Balance is Bullsh*t.
Balance is bullshit. I heard this in one of my coaching certification sessions hosted by Gigi Sage and immediately thought, “Yes! That’s what I’m saying!”
When we say we want balance, I think what we actually want is to feel less stress, more peace, and more control over our lives. We want our life to feel intentional – meaning, we’re making deliberate choices to prioritize what matters most to us. Then as we start to seek ‘balance’ by fixing or solving whatever feels out of balance, we end up feeling like failures because all we’ve done is added more stress and weight to our mental load. “Am I giving the same here or there? Did I do enough?”
When I think about balance, I think about a scale where equal parts of everything are necessary, but in reality:
Everything cannot be equal all the time.
Our priorities and capacity are not the same every day.
Balance, especially in today’s fast paced world doesn’t really exist.
I think what we really want is harmony.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, harmony means “a pleasing combination of different parts”. Harmony to me means we’re living an intentional life aligned with our priorities. What you value and prioritize may not be the same as everyone else. Right now, I value quality time with my family where others may value friendships, mental health, or financial security.
You may have heard the adage about juggling glass balls and plastic balls where our immediate needs and priorities should be the glass ones. The fun part is that you pick which balls are glass or plastic. Harmony honors that different times of our lives have different priorities and it’s okay to shift.
Each day we also have different levels of energy to give to these things making work-life harmony a more attainable way of living because it gives you the ability to prioritize what matters most in your personal and professional life. When you are aware of your priorities, you can be more intentional with how you spend your time and what you give your energy.
What I love most about living more harmoniously is that it’s easier to accept whatever consequences might occur because of your actions. Why? Because if you’re living aligned to your priorities, it’s just easier to let that shit go.
If the house is a mess, but I spent an extra hour playing with my kids, it’s worth it. [Quality time.]
My inbox is a disaster because I truly unplugged for a holiday weekend, I’ll spend Monday morning dealing with it. [Mental health.]
Kids are eating in front of a tv screen for the 2nd time this week, necessary so I can meet a work deadline. [Financial security.]
Harmony is the idea that different seasons require different things from us and it’s okay to surrender to that. We don’t actually take off and put on different hats, we carry all of our roles with us wherever we go. Living harmoniously is about living intentionally and creating a life that works for you. To do this, you must first:
1. Define your priorities in this season
2. Identify your energy levels. What is energy draining? What is energy-giving?
3. Stop expecting perfection
4. Regulate your stress. Consider nervous system management or mindset shifts.
5. Get comfortable setting and holding boundaries
In my coaching, we set out to integrate all areas of your life so you’re living more authentically, and more harmoniously. We start by finding gratitude for where you are, then I walk you through big picture thinking - identifying your values, energy-givers, and defining what’s holding you back. The 2nd phase of our work together focuses on application to include building deeper connection, owning your priorities, setting boundaries, and what to do when you fall into default modes.
